“This nigga gon tell me he has lung cancer…”

This nigga Jeff gonna stalk me around just to tell me he has lung cancer. Good for you. Good luck. It doesn’t concern me so I’m curious as to why you felt the need to track me down like a bloodhound just to tell me.  He creeped me on Facebook and messaged me something about updating his health on his page.  So I check it out and this nigga sure enough is playing soft puppy victim for likes.  Long, drawn-out paragraphs about him laying in the hospital bed being lazy as usual.  Then I talked to him on the phone while he was in the hospital with a collapsed lung. He heaved out a “Woe Is Me” sob story and I shut it down immediately. I said “That’s cool and all, but I gotta new song on the way. It’s called ‘Addicted 2 Myself’ and it’s my shit. Cause it’s All About ME! ME! All About ME! All About All About ME! ME! ME!”

I heard him choking up in the background faintly saying “Please, Please Stop” but I swerved on his fucking ass with them lines. Finally he had no choice but to hang up, I was goin in like a rattlesnake!

There was a similar instance where this other nigga Paul told me his father was in the hospital right before I was about to leave for a sleepover.   I was like “Oh.  Wow.  Wow.  K.”  There’s not much that I can take when it comes to downtrodden ass nonsense.  Just because you want to be a Debbie Downer doesn’t mean you’re going to gain any more empathy from a stone cold bitch like me.  Go do something about it.  I am not the one to be drilled with miserable information.

Moral of the story: Don’t come to me with your depressing shit because you see I’m on the happy tilt of life.  I consider that as an attack, a set-up for me to care for you.  Trying to spread your headache on to me.  I have a heart, but it’s mainly for myself. I’d rather hear about how you had a ball at the club and the casino last night. Sometimes you just have to bury your grandma and keep it moving. The quicker you snap back the quicker you’ll get back to sanity. Because the world around you isn’t going to slow down for your emotional problems.  I know I won’t.  In fact, the next time I get caught in the crosshairs of a situation like this, I’m popping the fuck off.